• Jo Pavezi md lg en
    Jo Pavezi md lg en
    Jo Pavezi

    Psychologist, Executive Coach, Psychotherapist

  • Convide seu inimigo para um café md lg en
    Convide seu inimigo para um café md lg en
    Invite your enemy for some coffee

    Dealing with attachments that lead to dysfunctional conflicts

  • Jo Pavezi md lg en
    Jo Pavezi md lg en
    Jo Pavezi

    Psychologist, Executive Coach, Psychotherapist

  • Convide seu inimigo para um café md lg en
    Convide seu inimigo para um café md lg en
    Invite your enemy for some coffee

    Dealing with attachments that lead to dysfunctional conflicts

  • Jo Pavezi sm xs en
    Jo Pavezi sm xs en
    Jo Pavezi

    Psychologist, Executive Coach, Psychotherapist

  • Convide seu inimigo para um café sm xs en
    Convide seu inimigo para um café sm xs en
    Invite your enemy for some coffee

    Dealing with attachments that lead to dysfunctional conflicts

18. Uncertainty: saying no to control

Periods of instability and uncertainty can be triggers to relational conflicts. They are phases in which we are in expectation that something will happen, and because of the anxiety generated we use some strategies to control the situation. We believe that without “our touch” things won’t turn out the expected way. We get omnipotent, we get functions that are not even ours, when we could believe we did our best and now it is time to stop, observe and wait for what will come.

Anxiety comes from fear. Fear of not being able, of being late, falling apart, loosing, failing, fear that the other won’t do what we want. We don’t relax. This can turn us into an outsider, authoritarian, owner of the truth, agressive, demanding person and, of course, it can contaminate our closest relationships.

How can we know when we are controlling? When there is a wish to watch everything that the situation involves, to monitor.

Do you really believe that you are able to control and interfere in everything? When something spins out of your control, maybe then there is a chance for you to be positively surprised.

18. Uncertainty: saying no to control

Periods of instability and uncertainty can be triggers to relational conflicts. They are phases in which we are in expectation that something will happen, and because of the anxiety generated we use some strategies to control the situation. We believe that without “our touch” things won’t turn out the expected way. We get omnipotent, we get functions that are not even ours, when we could believe we did our best and now it is time to stop, observe and wait for what will come.

Anxiety comes from fear. Fear of not being able, of being late, falling apart, loosing, failing, fear that the other won’t do what we want. We don’t relax. This can turn us into an outsider, authoritarian, owner of the truth, agressive, demanding person and, of course, it can contaminate our closest relationships.

How can we know when we are controlling? When there is a wish to watch everything that the situation involves, to monitor.

Do you really believe that you are able to control and interfere in everything? When something spins out of your control, maybe then there is a chance for you to be positively surprised.

In the book ‘Invite your enemy for some coffee, Jo Pavezi invites you to think about relational conflicts and seek ways to detach ideas and concepts that lead to them.

Are you living a relational conflict with your staff, or in your personal life, and want a way to reflect on it? Choose a card and find a tip that can help you.

Learn more about Jo Pavezi's work in interviews, videos and reports of her experiences in Brazil and in the world helping people to confront their conflicts.

In the book ‘Invite your enemy for some coffee, Jo Pavezi invites you to think about relational conflicts and seek ways to detach ideas and concepts that lead to them.

Are you living a relational conflict with your staff, or in your personal life, and want a way to reflect on it? Choose a card and find a tip that can help you.

Learn more about Jo Pavezi's work in interviews, videos and reports of her experiences in Brazil and in the world helping people to confront their conflicts.

In the book ‘Invite your enemy for some coffee, Jo Pavezi invites you to think about relational conflicts and seek ways to detach ideas and concepts that lead to them.

Are you living a relational conflict with your staff, or in your personal life, and want a way to reflect on it? Choose a card and find a tip that can help you.

Learn more about Jo Pavezi's work in interviews, videos and reports of her experiences in Brazil and in the world helping people to confront their conflicts.